Their are times when i have tasks to do in everyday life to maintain the income or the house or the feelings of others.
And i want to do it but i dont feel like doing it. Its like you want to better yourself but yet i don't known why.
I could buy the best food and do the best excercise or have the best work clothes or drive with superb mastery and
confidence on the road without anything getting me down not any traffic or bad drivers.
I could do everthing better if i wish yet i wont always. In the heat of the moment you think to your self yes i am getting
better this constant strive to self improve.
Yet on some days and occuring more frequently i dont want you too or care too.
Because why should i. i want to be better but Why i should want to be anything.
TO what end ?
to what end ?
I going to die one day anyhow.
Sages say its the journey that count not the destination. So what if i focus on the journey and i make it all that it can be.
Where does that get me.
Man can do many things for many reason but where does that get us. The quin-essential of why we do things.
When all the layers of whys are remove it leaves us with the built in need for survival.Nothing more.
So i lays around in sadness not exactly sure what i am doing but i doing in the meanwhile hopefully the answer will pop up.
Had some visits from friends recently. After that i dont know why i feel peace.I dont known why for sure but i feel peace, i did not care to known why, i was happy where i was.
It could be my mood change ,or gluocse from breaking my fasting or the external human contact which i have not had in a while.
When i felt at peace for the brief moment i did know why but deep inside i knew this is where i am suppose to be.
I did not need to known qinessential why or the answer to many things in life. I was at peace and i accepted my human frailities
i did not have to fool myself into some altered reality where i had no frailities. Maybe then in some strange way i new why.
Life is so big and complex with millions people in the world with gozillons of thoughts all togtheir with things happening
all over nature that hummans do not witness and deep inside earth to the bottom of the sea to the farthest reaches in space.
To the worlds of the unseen.
Just im my own big head i lost my self with my own thoughts. Holy cows their is so much that going that we do not known.
And for me to put all this in context with some simple worded english phrase of why may seems silly.
May it not phrase
maybe its state of mind or SETTLING OF the HEART.
I dont known why but i am ok with that, once i have the peacefull feeling inside.
God is truly great and all encompassing and super proficent. If he guide you no one can stop it and if he did not no one
could help you.
Realization i suspect cannot be sought after or meditated or drug induce.No one can give it you
and you cannot make it yourself.
If the creator let you in the club then so be it but their is no other way. How to get in the club for me is islam which has
touch my heart.
Others may have sought truth through other religions. I cant answer for that only the creator knowns.
But this is what i suspect.
MY Suspicions are great enough that i will follow my life according to it. There is no evidence of the great so far
and possobly never would be found in any evidence of this realitiy.
Human most go on personal judgement of their inner subjective realitites. The hard and facts ways of science can not help you
to see the other world. For the maker of reality may not conform to laws of this reality.
The answer may not be words or feelings, its symptom may be peace or it may be peace itself who knowns. It one thing to read
sages advice on peace and what they discovered AND it anotheir to take the risk and truly searching yourself
and possibly destroying your inner confidence of what you think of yourself and the world to come up with a kind of similiar
answer yet different in other ways.
I hope God forgive me for anything i said its only my inner reflection and is by no way perfect guidance or even guidance.
